What I've Left Behind
by Sweet L
Summary: One day Sebastian simply disappeared, and left a brokenhearted Ciel behind. Yaoi. SebastianXCiel.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:This is my first Kuroshitsuji fanfic. I had to write one, because I love Kuroshitsuji, and I love Sebastian and Ciel together. Sorry for possible grammar errors, English isn't my first language. And the characters are very OOC. Please read, and if you like it leave a review. ^^**

**Oh, before I forget. I DON'T OWN KUROSHITSUJI, but everyone knows that already.**

* * *

It was just another day, like all the other. I wake up, eat my breakfast, brush my teeth, and stay there, looking at the window.

There's something missing in my life, or better yet, someone.

I still don't understand what had happened.

Sebastian left me. He disappeared, just like that. There were no words, no letters, no anything. He just disappeared, vanished in the air.

And he told me he would never leave my side.

_That liar._

I feel a tear running down my cheek. I was crying again, because of that demon.

Damn it.

But I can't help it; I miss him, so much.

Why did I have to fall in love with him?

I looked at the mirror; there was no mark of the contract we made anymore.

There was no contract, nothing that connects us anymore.

There is nothing in my life, only this endless longing I'm feeling.

Everyone were always looking at me with worried eyes, trying to cheer me up in all ways they could, but it didn't worked.

Nothing can cheer me up now, not now that he's gone.

I go to the room that once was his, there's nothing here, yet there's so much of him here.

I can't help but wonder. Where he is now, what he was doing.

Does he ever think about me?

I laugh at my thoughts. Of course he didn't.

As if he ever cared about me.

It's time for me to not care about him anymore.

As if this was possible…

* * *

I look at the mansion in front of me, it bring so many memories back in my head.

Once a time I told myself that I would never set foot in here again. But I couldn't keep my word.

I had to come here again, I had to see _him._

I've entered the mansion without anyone seeing me; it was quite an easy task.

Soon I found myself in a particular room. His room.

And there he was, sleeping like an angel.

I always thought he looked like an angel.

I get closer to see his face. That face I've missed so much.

It almost make me regret leaving this place.

But I don't regret it.

That day that I've made my decision, I've broke our contract and left this place.

It was for the best, I just wanted him to have a normal, happy life.

And I had no desire to take his soul anymore.

I couldn't do it, not after I realized something.

I loved him.

My bocchan. I've missed him so much.

I get closer to him. He had such a pained expression on his face.

I can't help but wonder why; I thought he would be happy now.

Now that he had his revenge, now that he didn't had to worry about some demon wanting to eat his soul.

But there was nothing I could do for him, not anymore.

I take one last look at him, this was probably the last time it was going to see him.

"Goodbye, my Ciel." I whispered.

Those were my last word for him.

I turn my back, leaving the only thing I ever loved behind.

Or that was what I intended to do. Until I heard something.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2! Sorry it took me so long to update this, I'm not having much time to write. This chapter and the next one should've been one, but I've decided to split it into two. Sorry for my bad English (as always) and thank you so much for the reviews, I really appreciate it. (it's good to know that someone liked this fic)**

**Read and review, and tell me if this chapter is bad (as I think it is) or not.**

* * *

_There's someone here._

I was half asleep, but I could still hear it. A voice.

A very familiar voice.

"Goodbye, my Ciel" It said

I thought I was dreaming; it wouldn't be the first time anyway.

That demon would haunt me even in my dreams.

But when I opened my eyes I knew it wasn't just one more dream

He was really here.

"Sebastian…"

It was only a whisper, but he heard it.

He turned to look at me, with those eyes I loved so much.

Those eyes that were normally void of any emotion, but today were so filled with them.

It surprised me.

He then smiled at me. I've always loved when he smiled.

But not this time. Because I knew it was the last time I was going to see it.

I knew that smile was his way of saying goodbye.

He was going to leave me again, and this time it was forever.

I wanted to do something, anything to stop him, but I was paralyzed.

I didn't knew what to think, or what to do.

But one thing I knew for sure.

I was angry.

_Why did he bother to come here?_

_After he lied to me when he said he wouldn't._

_After he left me like I was nothing._

I laugh at my thoughts.

I don't even know why I'm thinking these things.

As if I ever meant something to him in first place.

I was just another soul that he would devour_._

I knew this was the truth, even if it hurt to admit.

But there was something that was still bothering me.

_If this is all I've ever meant to him, why he didn't do it?_

_Why he didn't devour my soul?_

I wanted to believe it was because he cared for me, I really did.

But I knew this wasn't the case, that this was just another silly fantasy of mine.

I'm such a fool.

I've became distracted with my thoughts.

One moment of distraction, and before I knew it he was gone.

He disappeared in the darkness, just like he did last time.

I got up from my bed and started to look everywhere for him.

I was desperate, I couldn't let him go.

Not after all this time I've been waiting to see him again.

And just thinking that I might never see him again…

It hurts more than anything else.

For my surprise, he was still around.

I thought I wouldn't be able to reach out to him, but I did.

He could be long gone if he wanted to, but he was still here.

As if he was waiting for me, as if he was hesitating in leaving.

_But why would him? Why he's here in first place?_

Now it was my chance to know.

"Sebastian, wait!"

I've called out for him.

He stopped and turned to look at me.

His eyes had a different emotion this time. There was sadness in them.

He looked as if he wanted to say something, but never opened his mouth.

Well, if he had nothing to say, I had.

I had too many things to say.

"…what are you doing here?"

I've asked, but he didn't answer.

As if he had ignored my question. It irritated me.

"I…I never wanted to see you again!"

I knew very well that this was a lie; it was the other way around.

I was desperate to see him again; the longing I was feeling was killing me.

But I would never say this to him, never.

He wouldn't care anyway; he would probably just mock me.

So I've let my anger speak for me.

I got closer to him, and grabbed him by his shirt.

"You…how could you just break the contract and leave me behind?"

There were still no reaction from him, he just looked at me.

He must be having fun with this.

"I hate you."

This was another lie. The biggest lie I've ever said.

I was crazily in love with him.

That's why I've been living all these months in this misery.

That's why I'm so angry and resented with him.

I've closed my eyes, they were filled with tears.

I couldn't cry now, not in front of him.

But it was so hard. I was having hard time in controlling my feelings.

"Why…why did you left? Why did you lie to me?"

I don't like the way that sounded, it was like I was begging him to answer me.

But wasn't this what I was doing?

I'm such an idiot.

I've closed my eyes even tighter, waiting for an answer.

He just stayed quiet, not saying anything.

I was getting so tired of this silence treatment he was giving me.

So tired that I've started to give up.

I've took a few steps back, distancing myself from him.

I was waiting for him to turn his back and leave.

Maybe it would be best if he did.

But he didn't do it.

He finally opened his mouth to speak

"I never lied to you. I've stayed until you had your revenge, until our contract ended."

"Wasn't your revenge the only reason you wanted me to stay? Then why are you asking why I've left?"

He answered me with questions.

Questions that I knew the answer, but wouldn't tell them.

He was right, at first the only reason I wanted him to stay was because of my revenge.

But time passed and things changed. Changed in a way I could never imagine they would.

I could never, ever, imagine that I would fall in love with him.

But I did, and then I just wanted him beside me.

I just needed him there with me.

But I would never say this to him.

It would be just a waste of time anyway.

"I've gave you what you wanted. I've set you free from the contract. Then why aren't you happy?"

He asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I was surprised by his question.

Why I'm not happy?

I didn't even have to think twice.

I knew very well why.

I'm not happy because he left me, when all I've wanted was for him to stay.

I'm not happy because of this crazy one sided love I'm feeling.

I'm not happy because I know that no matter what I say or what I do, he'll just leave, and I'll never see him again.

And I'll have to live with this longing and this emptiness in my heart for the rest of my life.

It's all because of him. It's his fault.

"…It's all your fault."

He looked at me, surprised.

"It's my fault? Why?"

I've opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

I was hesitating.

I wonder what he'll do if I tell him?

Tell him about my feelings for him.

Tell him that I couldn't go ahead with my life because he wasn't there with me.

He'll probably make fun of me, saying how pitiful I am.

But I don't care.

I can't keep this inside me anymore.

"…yes, it's your fault. If I've never meet you, things would be much easier. I would probably have died in that place and everything would be over. My revenge wouldn't even matter anymore, I would be dead anyway."

"But you've appeared, and we made that contract. But it was okay, I knew that I wouldn't live much longer anyway, I would have my revenge and you would take my soul. Everything would finally end"

"But you didn't do it, you just left. And I had to keep on living. Living with these feelings I never asked to have."

"Feelings?"

"You have no idea of what these days have been like. I would wake up every single morning looking for you, only to remember that you've left."

"I would spend every single day wishing for something that I knew that I would never have, wishing to see someone that I would never see again, wondering if you ever cared, or thought about me, when I knew it was so obvious you didn't."

"How can I ever be happy like that?"

I've hated showing my weaknesses.

But there I was, opening my heart to him, saying all the things I didn't wanted to say.

I couldn't keep them inside me anymore, they were driving me crazy.

And they were the truth. The truth I was so tired of hiding.

I've raised my head and looked at him. He looked so confused.

As if he didn't understood what I was saying.

I don't doubt it. Why would he understand?

He's a demon after all, and as far as I know, demons don't have feelings.

How would he understand?

"You're probably thinking of how ridiculous this is, and how pitiful I am, but I don't care."

And at that point I really didn't cared.

Everything I've said was the truth.

"It's all because of you"

_Especially this._

"It's all because I love you"


End file.
